Update

Not doing so well. Days all melt into one and I'm doing very little.

My psychiatrist changed the dose of one of the antidepressants, so shall see if that makes any difference.

Feel low and exhausted almost all the time. Just don't know what to do.

All creativity has been drained from me and haven't made a single thing in months.

Something Postitive

A good friend of mine came over yesterday and helped me put some bookshelves together (my sewing books are no longer a heap on the floor!). We made a start on cleaning and throwing out in my living room. It's not finished, but it looks great already and has lifted my mood somewhat.

Only downside is that I ache all over! I haven't moved around so much in months and my muscles aren't used to it! At least I got myself moving rather than a day on the sofa.

I've been talking to my sister more for support. I still feel pretty low, and my sleep is really messed up, (falling asleep after 4 am and sleeping until late afternoon), but this boost (even if temporary) has been great.

Happy New Year ?

A Happy New Year to all of you out there. Hoping it will be a better one for me in particular!

Quick Holiday Update

Spent a nice quiet day with my brother. He makes a great roast. Chilled out and watched telly.

Under the same stress with my debts and may have to consider selling my flat, which would devastate me to be honest. My other option is to get a job. My sister is helping me with money, but she can't do that forever so we've set a 6 month limit and if I haven't got a job by then...

Feel weighed down and quite depressed with it all. Not noticing much difference with the increase to the medication. Wondering if they do anything at all.

Haven't sewed or made a single thing for weeks, just can't bring myself to do it. Spend all days in the house doing very little. But don't want to, or don't know what else to, do.

Update

Things still feel bad. My psychiatrist has increased the dose of one of the antidepressants I take. It will take a few weeks to notice any effect, if any happens.

I saw a debt counsellor today and have been armed with lots of advice on how to hold off my creditors and I hope it all works. The depressing thing is my out goings exceed my income by about £200 a month, so I don't know what I'm going to do about that...

I have been fighting the urge to call Andy as now he's just angry with me and shouts. It just makes me worse and I end each call as a crying mess.

I'm not doing much. Still sofa and tv bound. Have little energy and just want the day to go as quickly as possible so I can sleep.

Mood pretty low and I think about suicide a lot. But I don't want to hurt anyone, and that thought is keeping me safe so far.

I miss Andy like crazy and wish we hadn't split, so still nursing a very broken heart.

So not much has changed, but I'm trying...

Down and out

I feel very low. I can't get Andy out of my mind. I try not to call him as it just ends in lots of tears, but it's so hard not to call him. Afterwards I just feel stupid. I'm a dressing gown attached to the sofa. Want to make stuff, but can barely do anything. So many things are going wrong, I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

Trying to remain calm

Despite the trouble with my benefits and Andy I'm trying to keep calm and not lose it completely. I do feel on the edge and I do feel suicidal. But I have to think of those who love me and what it would do to them.

One thing to look forward to is that I'm visiting my friends tomorrow. They clubbed together and bought me tickets. I'll stay in London just over a week. Hopefully it will create enough of a distraction and make me feel a little better.

So the motto is: keep calm and carry on !

Job done

It was awful and there were lots of tears (and a bit of begging from me) - but I got my stuff from Andy's. Unfortunately I forgot one or two items, so still need to see him to get them back. I feel very low.

Got the bad news today that I failed the benefits medical test for ESA. I don't understand it and don't know what to do next. It means all my benefits will be stopped, so don't know what will happen with the mortgage...

I'm so angry as their decision isn't based on anything I wrote in the questionnaire or anything I said at the assessment. They haven't even communicated with my doctors. I can't cope with all this.

Don't want to, but have to

Today I have to get my stuff from Andy's. It's the final nail in the coffin of the relationship. I'm dreading it. There are no words to explain just how badly this has affected me and no words to explain how broken my heart is. I want to feel different. I don't want this to happen. But it has, and I have no idea how I'm going to cope. Usually I know what I'm going to do, know how I'll take care of myself. This time I haven't a clue. I'm lost.

Occupational Therapy

Trying hard to do stuff and motivate. It's hard. But today I made this zip purse/pouch. Fabric is new from Summersville on Etsy (see list of shops to left). It's called Scandi.

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Edged Top Finished

Feeling pretty low and slow, bnut I did a bit a day on this and now it's finished. Hopefully it will fit my mate's 5 year old girl.

Front

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Back

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Ending

Andy ended our relationship yesterday. He thinks we can't sustain a relationship when he really doesn't have time for a relationship (which he doesn't). But it's not what I want. I'm a mess and I feel set back by months. I can't stop crying, I'm over medicating. A mess in pajamas, stuck to the sofa with no reason to get up. I wish I could hate him. It would make it easier. Now I'm just alone and still in love with a man who doesn't want me.

Saying Goodbye

Tomorrow my best friends are leaving the UK.

I'll travel with them today, so I can wave them off tomorrow. It will be so sad. They are no longer a couple of bus rides away. I will no longer be able to play and laugh with their kids - and them !

I feel bereft.

Making progress

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Been working slowly with this one. Don't want to rush it and spoil it.

New Work In Progress

I've started making this top for a 6 year old. It will have binding round the neck and arms with a bow to the front. The pattern is from Sew magazine.

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Finished at last

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One quilt done. God knows how long it's taken. Months I think. Pleased to finish it.

Binding

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Binding now being done. At this rate should be finished in a couple of days.

Adrian's quilt - QUILTED

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Work in progress... Finally quilted. Just have to make and sew on binding....

Little by little

Have done half the quilting on Adrian's quilt, so feel pleased about that.

Going to my best friend's leaving party tonight. They are going back to Canada and I don't know what I'll do without them.

They leave in 2 weeks. I'll go to wave them off. But dreading them leaving.

Feeling bad

I have missed sewing classes. I have been feeling very low and depressed. I'm not sure what to do. My doctor says iut's just a 'blip' and I'll navigate back on track. I hope so.

New Make

I made this a bit too quickly, impatiently, so it's a bit untidy!


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Sew! By Cath Kidston

Cath's New book: Sew!, comes with the cut out material you need to make the bag on the cover.

Great book and I loved making this bag

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Stacey's Scarf

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This is the scarf I've nearly finished for Stacey. She saw me knitting it over the weekend she was here and ordered it. :)

Sunday relaxation

Just spending the weekend with a mate and relaxing, talking and DVD watching. Great :)

Not good

I don't understand it. I was doing so well. Now I feel really low and depressed. Crying a lot. I have an emergency meeting after sewing class with my psychiatrist. I hope he can help.

New Dressmaking course

I start a new daytime course tomorrow. It's called Introduction to dressmaking and I'm really looking forward to it. It lasts 10 weeks, so quite short. Hope I get to learn a lot.

Need To Keep Going With This

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Evidence of me starting to layer and pin Adrian's famous quilt

Sewing for Bisiness Update

It was really good, but I had to leave early for a medical appointment. Which I was late for (got lost - long story). Any way, back to class. The tutor is great. Picking up great tips. Only problem is thaqt those industrial machines are hard to master. Soooo powerful.

We started making patterns for a slipcase cushion cover. We started patern tracing and cutting, I made my pattern, then I for I had to leave, so I'll make one at home this week.

Women in the group are nice I have a good feeling of about it. There will be a Christmas sale towards the end of the course, where we get to sell our stuff.

Sewing for Business

I'm so excited. I have got a place on a 9 week, free course, called Sewing for Business. Someone dropped out, so I've only missed a week. It starts tomorrow 9.30 - 3.00 every Friday. Can't wait to start and meet all the new people. :)

Happy Birthday to me

I'm a ripe 36 today. Had lunch and cake with friends. It's been a good day.

Clothkits Pencil Case

Front and back views


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More Makes

This is what I've been up to last couple of days


Clothkits Pot of Flowers Child's Bag


Clothkits Red Cord Birdie Bag


Clothkits Red Cord Birdie Zip Purse

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Finished dolls

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Cancelled

Not a happy bunny. My alterations evening class that I've been so looking forward to has been cancelled due to to low numbers. Oh well, will have to find something else to do....